Friday, November 18, 2005

Excuse Me

I generally make it a rule to not horribly embarass myself in public. Although this has overall been a solid policy to follow, there are still occasionaly moments when I blow the rule out of the water. Tonight, I had one of those moments.

Harkening back to the days when we tried to impress eachother, my husband and I decided to spend the evening going out on a traditional date. We had dinner followed by a movie. Along with other consumers of mass culture, we decided to see the new Harry Potter flick. Three quarters into the movie, there's a critically dramatic scene. For a movie that's filled with explosions and cheering, it's an eerily quiet scene. This, of course, is when I uncontrollably had to fart.

It was the kind of loud fart that cannot be ignored. At that pivotal moment in the movie, the stars of the movie were Harry Potter and me. The movie goers in our section looked around, people nudged their dates, there was some snickering, my husband quietly died with embarassment in the seat next to me. I did what farting people have been doing since the dawn of time, I looked around and pretended it was someone else. The moment then passed. Harry continued on his adventures, and I thankfully did not make a reappearance for the remainder of the movie.

I pride myself on not usually being a gassy person. If there's a smelly kid in every class, I have never been that kid. Which is why it was even more mortifying. All I could think of was that everyone in my section now thought of me as being a gassy person. I was worse than the smelly kid in class, I was the smelly adult in the theater. Before the lights fully came up, I scrambled out with my husband in tow. I wanted to vindicate myself. To say, "No! I know what you're thinking, but this is not me! Maybe I ate something funny!" Instead, I bowed my head in shame. I was an outlaw.

The experience has led me to believe that, as a generally non-gassy person, I can no longer stand idly by when others are publicly ridiculed. They can't help it! Sometimes, these things (literally) slip out. We've all been there, why make a big deal of it? It's a new era of understanding for me. The flatulence-challenged and I, we will all stand as one. Brothers and sisters are we. United against oppression. Those people who don't wash their hands after using the bathroom though, they're still lepers in my book.

Ms. J


Anonymous Gas-tronome said...

But the real question is: did you score with your date?

5:33 AM  

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