Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Mood Music

Why is it, that wherever you go, they’re playing the same terrible music?

I had my teeth cleaned yesterday. I’ve never been a huge fan of the dentist. It’s an odd social construction, that we’ll pay tons of money to allow a stranger to take what is basically an ice pick to our gums. If someone came up to you on the street, and started to clean your teeth, you would call it an assault. The fact that it takes place in an office, with a bright light shining in your eyes, and terrible music playing in the background; somehow moves it from the realm of violence to hygiene.

As Donna reclined me back and started to busy herself with my molars, Celine Dion wafted over me. Like most people not addicted to crack, I can only take Celine in small doses. The last thing I wanted to listen to, lying flat on my back with Donna diving into the nether regions of my mouth, was “my heart will go onnnnnnnnnn.” It turned what was already an unpleasant experience, into one of Dante’s lesser known circles of hell. The worst part was that the dentist’s office, perhaps filled with crack addicts, had decided to play Celine’s ENTIRE ALBUM. For those unfamiliar with Ms. Dion’s “Let’s Talk About Love” album, a simple search on i-tunes will reveal such hits as “Where is the Love,” “Just a Little Bit of Love,” “To Love You More,” and of course “I Hate You then I Love You.” It’s so much love that you want to strangle the ever-loving shit out of Celine before she tries to love anyone else. Needless to say, in spite of Donna’s very kind attempts to chat with me (why do they do that?), the dentist’s visit was torturous.

Which is why, upon leaving the dentist’s office, I was stunned to find that the melodious “my heart will go onnnnnn” had in fact gone on to follow me out of the dentist and into Whole Foods. My theory is that Celine Dion is putting crack in the water. It’s the only explanation.

Ms. J


Blogger Berry said...

Good lord! See, I live in a part of the city where they will loudly jam ole' school joints in the grocery store and Duane Reade to the point where you are ready to bust a move! I've caught glimpses of my head swerving into a modified snake more times than I care to admit.

1:29 PM  
Blogger J & J said...

I'm achingly jealous. One because you clearly have the music edge, and two because you can do a modified snake swerve. Some people have all the luck.

Ms. J

7:08 PM  

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