Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Get Your Licks In


Over lunch today, a friend shared with me an interesting problem. The woman he’s been seeing recently has a penchant for aggressive licking. As he described it, “Imagine someone jabbing you with their tongue.” He then proceeded to demonstrate what a tongue jab looks like. Needless to say, it wasn’t pretty.

The licker apparently explains herself with a giggle, followed by an “I’m just playful.” It wouldn’t bother my friend so much if she reserved this signature move for private occasions. As it is, she’ll routinely use the tongue jab as a greeting. They’ll meet each other at a restaurant, he’ll go to hug her, and she’ll slobber onto his cheek. When I noted that her affection has canine qualities to it, he agreed that it was one small step away from sniffing each other’s asses.

Although my friend has decided to stop seeing this woman for reasons unrelated to her tongue, his predicament does raise an interesting question. When one encounters individuals who seem to have missed the boat on issues of intimacy, do you correct the situation? If only as a public service? If a guy is a crappy kisser, should you try and fix him, before setting him back into the sea of dating? If a girl’s blow jobs border on hazardous to your health, should you raise an alert, before unleashing her on the masses?

It’s definitely awkward. As it is, my gentlemanly friend has responded to Lady Licker with a “That’s sweet, but I’m really not that playful.” In other words, he’s politely told her to take her tongue and shove it. It’s unclear though, if Lady Licker just thinks my friend is a prude.

If anything, these people persist in the pool of singles precisely because everyone figures it’ll be someone else’s problem. Who knows though, one man’s problem could be another man’s dream. Somewhere in this great city of ours, maybe there’s a guy just waiting for that special someone to reach out and lick him. If you are that guy, buddy, have we got the girl for you.

Ms. J

2 Comments:

Anonymous Mark said...

My opinion: there is no obligation to the general public; if you care about the person, you inform the person of his or her inadequacies. In your friend's case, he was right to simply ditch the chick. In terms of her specific act, however, I don't see how it's so bad. Maybe she could have stopped licking him as a greeting, but apart from that, he could've been a better sport about it. Maybe it's just a matter of taste, but you've got to be a little flexible about your partner's tastes/perversions, no?

7:34 PM  
Blogger Berry said...

I'm sure someone must think ms. lickity split has a cute habit. Ugh!

10:12 AM  

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